This blog doesn't really fit me anymore...just like all of those jeans I wore in College....ahem
I couldn't decide whether to blog again or not, so I decided to experiment with a knitting blog:
The premise of this blog is for me to:
1: talk about knitting
3: Talk about stuff I feel like
If you don't like any of the above (plus the occasional "fuck, shit or piss") or you feel like you may be offended....well....My apologies...feel free to read, or not.
Hope you like the new space, I am trying to figure out wordpress as well, so we will see how it goes.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
This blog doesn't really fit me anymore...just like all of those jeans I wore in College....ahem
Posted by kasandora at 4:08 PM
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Upon my re-entry to the land of the intellectually aware, I stopped at a language school downtown. I decided to join up, as my language ability has stalled recently, especially after the sudden cessation of looking for houses, meeting real estate agents that need to be communicated with about my personality, my needs and wants, and in general just chatted up. I hadn't talked to anyone in my second tongue for so long...I hadn't soaked up any new vocabulary or learned to properly conjugate an unfamiliar verb in a very long time. So once a week, (Fridays from two to four pm) Me and my daughter haul our cookies down to the center of town for a couple of hours of conversation, grammar practice and general brain stimulation. I always feel good after a rousing conversation in any language, even if I can't speak it!
Today we joined a good friend of our family by the tamagawa to celebrate her daughter's first birthday. The food was fantastic (my favorite being the pigs in a blanket), the company was engaging and the weather was perfect...it was good to see all of my gaijin friends enduring the various stages of toddlerhood, some with babes that have just started walking, and others with little ones starting to show the first signs of temper tantrums. Our family has progressed well beyond the temper tantrum phase and well into outright defiance.
Defiance....Nana says no almost constantly. Today I was trying to get her to hold my hand to walk to the other side of the street, and she looked directly at me and informed me that she couldn't hold my hand as she was "hugging her koala"...yes dear child, continue to "hug your koala" but hold my fucking hand, lest you get hit by a car. I left out the fucking. She agrees sometimes, but most of the time we have an argument which results in tears and flailing arms and legs. No matter what I want, she wants the opposite. At this moment, I am not really enjoying parenthood.
I know it will eventually fade and another fantastic stage of development will rear its head...
Posted by kasandora at 2:58 AM
Friday, October 29, 2010
I feel.... content again. It's nice.
I finally quit my job, after two weeks in america mulling it over. I realized one of several things, but the most important is that doing this particular job isn't worth the effects it has had on my sleep. I have been so anxiety ridden the last few days before I left that I couldn't sleep and had to rely on valium or alcohol to relax my muscles.
The tightness in my chest transported me quickly back to a time when I had just entered nursing school, realized quickly that it wasn't for me, and felt so stuck and doomed. I didn't want to be a nurse, and I especially didn't want to deal with the assholes that ran the program at good ole' spoon river college in Macomb. I would still piss in their cheerios if I had the chance. I used to go to the Cafe (local macomb house of ill repute) until odd hours of the morning and drink myself into a stupor, until I could no longer give proper acquiescence to my thoughts and then walk home dreading the next morning's routine. I showed up bleary eyed for exams, shaggy haired and unshowered. My professors probably thought I was up all night studying, especially when I did relatively well on tests. I was good under pressure, but only for a limited amount of time.
I went through the exact same motions with this job. I started out full of spunk, ready to take on every task they handed me...unfortunately I realized quickly that everything about this particular place and the people who inhabited it on a daily basis made me exceedingly nervous. I quickly became frustrated by the lack of communication, the constant preaching of "professionalism" coming from two people that were in no way professional themselves, and the need to blame at an unstoppable pace...I had my downfalls too. I was expected so much that I lost sight of what I wanted to do there. I accepted tasks whole heartedly but found I couldn't complete them under the duress of everything else on my plate. I discovered quickly that I am not good under pressure for long periods of time.
The extra money was nice while it lasted, but I will just pick up some extra private lessons to make up for what I miss...which won't be the lack of free time from now on!
Honestly, I feel better about everything. The world is looking up again for the first time in a few months, and while it might seem like a short time to most, I can honestly say it was the longest 4 months of my life.
I had a good time in America...more about that later.
Posted by kasandora at 3:58 PM
Sunday, October 10, 2010
My husband thoroughly surprised me yesterday when he woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed and announced..."I would like to go see the Van Gogh exhibition in Roppongi today". I felt his forehead to make sure he wasn't ill, and then asked him what was so appealing about Van Gogh (one of my least favorite artists, but I am always up for a museum, so I said what the hell)
I decided to question no further, but enjoy the fact that my husband wanted to leave the house, as we haven't in so long, and when we move to the new house, it is likely he will want to just lounge about quite a lot as well...
As we are often slow to move, and we had to mail some parcels as well, we didn't get on the train to head into town until after lunch. The keio line seemed to go a lot faster than I remember, even though I had just ridden it last week. My husband and I researched Van Gogh on the way there, trying to put together the few facts we knew about him into some kind of coherent time line. Nana slept due to the rocking and vibrations of the train....Gaku usually does too, but he seemed more stimulated than usual, which was a pleasant surprise.
Things I learned about Van Gogh that I didn't know before:
1. He may or may not have fathered a child with a prostitute. He tried to raise the child, but the relationship fell apart due to his artist like behavior.
2. He suffered from severe anxiety and depression.
3. He wanted to be a clergyman but failed all the tests (this was absolutely shocking to me)
4. He didn't cut off his whole ear like everyone sort of imagines....he only cut off the lower bit of the lobe and gave it to a prostitute for "safe keeping"....he really liked ladies of ill repute!
5. The actual bedroom from the bedroom painting was quite small...(They set up a replica and talked about perspective, etc)
We spent a good long time at each of the paintings, as it was so crowded it was quite difficult to move. You had to just stand there and stare until the line decided you were done....I had a good time though...
Nanami also had a good time. She commented on each of the paintings (the color, the subject matter, etc) but by the time we got around to the 5th room we could tell she had had enough. She did however, seem to choose a favorite painting. She wanted to go back and look at the "small bed" (the famous bedroom painting). When we finally reached the end of the exhibition, of course they dump you out into a gift shop, so I picked up a cheap copy of the bedroom painting and gave it to her to hold. She dubbed the painting "sleepy bed" after that and held onto it until we got to the place we were having dinner.
We shopped in Shinjuku after Roppongi (I had to pick up a few interesting baby items for a friend in IL) and then headed back to fuchu for a dinner at Itantoko...I love that place.
To top the whole day off, we noticed the patissiere on sakura dori was still open after we finished at Itantoko so we stopped by for some nice cakes and then headed back home to scoff down some yummy goodness and fall asleep after a long day.
I think thats it.
Posted by kasandora at 5:08 PM
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I think those three syllables would sum up the last four months of my life with absolute precision.
At my re-entry to the blogosphere I am having extreme difficulty in finding a rhythm to my communication, a desire to write and most importantly: subject matter that is as compelling as the stuff I used to talk about... I used to have a lot more fire and conviction... But now I often feel like a gutted trumpet. The thoughts are still there but I haven't the passion to express them. I have allowed myself to become so cynical and pessimistic that I fail to recognize a lot of what I wrote even just a year ago... That is part of breathing I guess.
So, what to tell you about. I'll start with some bullet points:
1. I have been reading almost constantly
A. Some of the books were definitely not worth reading
B. Having an iPad is like having a library in your hand bag. I love this stupid hunk of glass and metal.
2. For about 3 months I worked almost constantly and gave my entire efforts to a cause that is completely and utterly hopeless
A. I lost a lot of valuable hours with my kid
a. I want them back
b. I'm slowly removing myself from the situation.
B. I also became intensely aware of the phrase "can't you"
a. Every time they are uttered, paired with a request to do something completely ridiculous like say, "make 25 more hula skirts the
Night before they are needed". I feel a bit like a certain werewolf from a certain horrible vampire saga I just read.
3. My daughter is getting so big...
4. I started spinning again and it feels good
5. I am taking an impromptu trip home.
A. I am in need of a warm mug of apple cider and the smell of pig shit.
B. I know that after 12 days in Hamilton I will be absolutely convinced of my love for Tokyo
a. There are no patissier shops in Hamilton
b. The food there is awful
c. The cake in America is just sugar with a layer of colorful rubbish on top. Can I survive 2 weeks without good cake?
d. I still want to go...
In conclusion... I think if I worked hard enough I could probably revive some of my blogging mojo. I am tired of looking at the same idiotic knitting project post every time I log in.
Posted by kasandora at 5:41 AM
Friday, August 13, 2010
Just so I don't forget......
Swallow tail shawl
Central park hoodie
Grace lace beret
Socks that I made up for myself
Another pair of socks for myself
Umeda neck warmer
Big green sweater for Josef
Current works in progress:
Avast cardigan for gaku
Ok, bizarre post I know... But needed to get that all down in black and white so I know where I am at for my yearly knitting goals.... I'm sure I missed a few projects but I still have a few on the horizon for the fall as well.
I want to knit:
Another sweater for myself.
A new vest For gaku
A few pairs of felted Mary janes for work that have proper non-slip soles
I've been on a tear this year and had so many relative successes....here's hoping it continues! Happy Friday.
Posted by kasandora at 3:10 AM
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
is certainly a phrase I have been using a lot lately.
* At least it isn't influenza... I started working at a preschool. Working at a preschool equals copious amounts of micro-organisms being introduced into your system that you may not have been introduced to before...I am sick...again. This time it is just a slight cold, from which my daughter recovered in just one day. I haven't been so lucky.
* At least we have 4 meters of yard... We have finished designing our house, and while it isn't everything I had imagined (although it will definitely be amazing, the saving grace of the whole deal is that we will have about 28 sq. meters of grass, where in we can frolic around like morons on sunny days. I plan on planting the softest, fluffiest green carpet I can find.
* At least we have air-conditioning!... It is bloody hot here in tokyo. I loathe the summer, I think you get the point
* At least it's only umm....4 days a week? I started working again. It started as a once or twice a week thing, and then morphed into two full days and 2 half days, plus at home duties (coordinating). I still have a smidgen of free time, but I know it is good for Nanami, and good for me mentally to be challenged a bit more.
* At least it was only a few months and not a year! I have been incredibly silent in cyber space...so busy I reckon, and so un-motivated to do any writing. but... I will pop in now and again....at least.
Posted by kasandora at 3:10 AM